In 1939, the mere idea of pictures traveling through the air was exciting and demanded a technical walkthrough.

The problem with modern ads for tech products is they so rarely involve singing apes.

At first, the idea of an early color TV ad being in black and white was weird. Then I thought about it and realized it would have been weirder if it had been in color.

Warning: DON’T WATCH THIS ONE. You won’t be able to get the song out of your head for 24-36 hours.

When this bit was filmed, remote controls were such a new idea that it took five minutes to enumerate their wonders (and even the “off” button needed to be explained).

In 1959, it was considered perfectly normal for TV engineers to wear bowties to work.

There was a time when busted TV tubes were a major source of domestic woe, and smart consumers insisted on RCA replacement tubes.

This could probably be remade today as an ad for 3D TVs.

This TV doesn’t look all that portable to me.

I’m not sure what “computer crafted color” is, but it sounds impressive.

In 1971, lack of vacuum tubes was a major selling point.

I’m ashamed to confess that I wasn’t sure whether RCA still made TVs until I checked. It does. But it’s now a phantom brand that’s licensed to an unspecified third-party manufacturer by its owner, French-based Technicolor (which hasn’t bothered to update the RCA site to stop using the parent company’s old name, Thomson). I’m not sure whether RCA TVs are ever advertised on TV these days, but I’m pretty sure there are no current RCA commercials as entertaining as these ones…

Can’t argue with the truth of the basic gist here: There are tons of well-equipped Windows notebooks under a thousand bucks, and only one Mac laptop option, the basic white MacBook. If Lauren, the shopper in the commercial, had told me she wanted a 17-inch laptop for less than a grand, I could have saved her the trip to “the Mac store” she makes: Sorry, Lauren, Apple no can do. (Hey, I can’t afford a 17-inch MacBook Pro, either.)

But while the ad communicates a real virtue of Windows computers over Macs–much more variety and many machines at much lower prices–it doesn’t leave me feeling like Microsoft has conveyed a positive message about its operating system.  At first I wasn’t sure why. But after watching the commercial a few times, I think I understand why.

Lauren’s quest is about about finding features at a particular price point. Windows machines can easily win that competition. But the ad–and all the “I’m a PC” marketing I’ve seen to date–ignores one kinda-important feature: the operating system. You know, the business that Microsoft is in, and the one most significant difference between a PC and a Mac?

Microsoft doesn’t say Windows is better than OS X. It doesn’t say it’s comparable to OS X. It. Just. Ignores. Windows. Period.

Which implies–to me at least–that it’s arguing that operating systems don’t matter much. Computers are all about hardware specs; software is a side issue.

This is actually a defensible position: More and more, operating systems are middleware that sits between a computer and the browser that gets you onto the Web. But it’s not an idea that leaves you feeling good about Windows. It leaves you thinking that Microsoft thinks its product is a low-cost commodity.

Kind of like when Walgreens makes the case to buy this:

Instead of this:

Except that Microsoft doesn’t even argue that its product is as useful as the more slickly-packaged alternative.

It’s a strikingly different marketing message than the one implicit in most of Apple’s “Get a Mac” ads, which tend to be about software, not hardware, and which make the case that Macs are better because their software is better:

I’m not out to bash Microsoft here–like I say, there’s truth in the message it’s conveying these days. But I’m still unclear as to why it devotes so much attention to comparing Windows PC hardware with Mac hardware–especially since the high entry-level prices for Macs already ensure that the vast majority of computer shoppers in the country will buy a Windows machine of some sort. (Chevrolet doesn’t spend much time trying to convince people not to buy Audis, in case you hadn’t noticed.) And I’d love to see a Windows ad do something I kind of assumed bold new Windows ads would do: make the case for Windows.

As everyone who’s writing about this is pointing out, deceased celebs (such as Fred Astaire) have been doing ads for a long time, and Apple’s “Think Different” campaign commandeered not only John Lennon’s image (along with Yoko Ono, who presumably granted permission) but that of the Mahatma himself. And there’s nothing sacrosanct about the Beatles in an age in which their music is featured in diaper ads.

But the Lennon-XO ad is unusual in putting words into the late endorser’s mouth–words that don’t make much sense, since “Lennon” seems to say that the purpose of his music was to give children access to “a universe of knowledge.” The obvious, crude fakery of the ad lends a cheesy air to the proceedings, too. The more you like John Lennon, the less you may like it.

Look, OLPC is an exceptionally noble nonprofit undertaking (I’ve paid for laptop donations in 2007 and 2008 and plan to do so again) and it’s entirely possible that Lennon would have been an enthusiastic supporter if he were still with us. If Yoko Ono thinks he’d have appeared in spots for it, I believe her. But that kind of doesn’t matter, since the ad that OLPC made is creepy, not inspiring. (One in which Ono said Lennon would have loved OLPC would have been entirely different. Geez, Ringo extolling the virtues of XO would be a vast improvement.)

The ad gives me the willies, so I would almost rather not embed on this site…but here you go:

And what the heck, let’s do a T-Poll on it:

1. Mattel Electronics, early 1980s. Hal “Otis the Town Drunk” Smith plays a Santa who shills for an offer involving $2-$12 in cash back if you bought “qualifying” Mattel Electronics games and Pepsi. Never trust a Santa who wears a hat shaped like a football and tries to convince you that rebates are worth it.

After the jump, lots more of this stuff–don’t say I didn’t warn you…

2. Sears, 1977: Watching this one, I feel retroactive pity for the folks who opted for the 8-track option over cassette. I also wonder why “Bonnie’s” Christmas gift was left unwrapped and plugged in.

3. Future Shop, 1997. This uncommonly cheesy Canadian Santa ignores the kid’s request for CDs and uses his “magic television” to try and sell him other products on credit. I’m not so sure that the “Thanks a lot, Santa!” at the end isn’t sarcastic.

4. Circuit City, 1991. There’s something oddly clinical and emotionless about this ad, with its Circuit City shoppers milling around like lab rats. But maybe that’s preferable to another Huckster Santa spot.

5. Kodak, 1977. Santa and his troupe of kid dancers in multicolor PJs sell the Kodak “Handle” instant camera, a product which was ruled illegal in 1985.

6. Radio Shack, 1984. Cordless phone? Who needs one when you can get a phone with a 16-foot cord?

7. Radio Shack, mid-to-late 1980s. Only in a commercial would a father describe the $129.95 computer he bought his kid as selling for “less than $130.” The fact that this ad dates from the Reagan era is given away by “Jimmy’s” Gipper-like hairdo.

8. Nobody Beats the Wiz, 1986. In 1986, you–or, in this case, Tiny Tim (?)–still had to explain to consumers that VCRs can be programmed.

9. Atari, 1982. Kids hated the E.T. game for the 2600 console so much that it helped bring about Atari’s downfall. The commercial’s not so hot, either–explain to me why is E.T. is wearing a Santa suit here?

10. Crazy Eddie, early 1980s. There’s something sort of honest and refreshing about dispensing with a fake-Santa pitchman and simply putting Jerry Carroll, the Crazy Eddie guy, in a Santa suit. If I ever knew about Emerson’s Arcadia 2001 console, I’d forgotten about it.

11. Crazy Eddie, mid 1980s. The only thing better than the Crazy Eddie guy in a Santa suit is the Crazy Eddit guy in a Santa suit…in August.

12. Apple, mid-1990s. Is it just me, or is there something mean-spirited about attacking Windows in a Christmas ad? Also, why is the dude wearing a Santa suit?

BONUS NON-VINTAGE AD: Apple, 2008. Interestingly enough, in this year’s Apple commercial, it’s the Windows computer (in the guise of “PC”) that’s mean-spirited.

Merry Christmas!

I started to put together this video timeline starting in the 1970s and working my way forward to the present day. Then I realized that it’s more fun–and much bloggier–to begin with current commercials and travel backwards in time. Join me, won’t you?

iPhone (2008): If you’re discussing Apple ads in 2008, you gotta begin with an iPhone one. Here’s “Unslow,” which I’ve already written about in excessive detail.

MacBook Pro (2007): I have mixed feelings about the “Get a Mac” campaign–the best ones are very funny, and John Hodgman is a gem. But sometimes their portrait of the PC–as a machine that’s mostly good at spreadsheets–feels like it hasn’t been updated since, oh, 1992 or thereabouts. I do, however, confess that I was tickled to no end when PC called my former employer, PC World, to complain about one of our articles. (Fun fact: A second ad that mentioned PCW was made at the same time, but shown on network TV only one evening before Apple decided to kill it–I’ve never seen it.)

iPod Touch (2007): Gazillions of Apple fans have uploaded homemade ads to YouTube. Nick Haley is the only one whose creation went on to become a real Apple ad. This is Nick’s version, but Apple’s is nearly  identical.

iPod Nano (2007): With its use of multiple Nanos in different colors, this ad for the current-generation Nano feels like it’s practically an explicit homage to ads for the multicolored original iMacs. Music by Feist–not to be confused with Ellen Feiss.

iPod (2005): Apple pulled its iPod ad with Eminem from the airwaves almost instantly–maybe because footwear manufacturer Lugz complained that it was eerily similar to a commercial it had released in 2002. Here’s a mashup that a YouTube user spliced together, mixing bits and pieces of both ads almost seamlessly.

PowerBooks (2003): This ad for Apple’s portables remains entertaining, but mostly, it makes me nostalgic for the 12-inch PowerBook, a computer I thoroughly enjoyed owning. If Apple made something comparable today with an Intel chip inside, I’d buy it in a heartbeat.

“Desklamp” iMac (2002): I never owned one (or, come to think of it, any desktop Mac), but I loved the design of the second-generation iMac. It had a sense of humor, and I can’t think of another computer, Apple or otherwise, that I’d say that about. Apparently, though, it didn’t sell all that well, panache and clever ads notwithstanding.

Switch (2002): When this ad campaign premiered, trying to convince the teeming masses to dump their Windows boxes for Macs was a more idiosyncratic, unlikely quest than it became by the time the later “Get a Mac” commercials debuted. The most famous of the “Switch” ads featured teenager Ellen Feiss–this particular commercial is a follow-up to that one, and supposedly never aired. (Fun fact: I went to the same high school as Ellen, two decades earlier; back in my day, we used Radio Shack TRS-80s.)

iPod (c. 2001): Is this ad really from only seven years or so ago? The guy is goofy, the iMac looks retro, and even though it, like iPod ads to come, shows someone rocking out, it also feels obligated to try and explain the benefits of digital music. Eventually, iPod ads would become lifestyle celebrationse that assumed you knew what they were for, but this one is about a early-adopter gadget and why you might want it.

Power Mac G4 Cube (2000): When folks bring up the Cube–the only famous flop of Steve Jobs’ second Apple tenure–I always admit, in the interest of full disclosure, that I drank the Kool-Aid and gave it a good review in PC World. It had its issues as a workaday computing device (it was hard to get at the CD drive without shutting the machine off), but this much is undeniable: It looked fantastic in TV commercials.

Original iMac (1999): These days, so few computers are beige that it’s been years since I had reason to use the phrase “beige box.” When the original iMac debuted, though, the notion of a colorful computer was new and divisive: Some people bought the original iMac because they came in colors, while others spurned them for precisely the same reason. Here’s Jeff Goldblum, perhaps the last famous person to appear in an Apple ad as a more-or-less traditional pitchman.

Original iMac (1999): More Goldblum–in 1999, there were still people who were intimidated by e-mail and the Internet, and the original iMac was aimed at them.

Think Different (1997): The rational reaction to this ad, one of Apple’s most famous, is probably to scoff at its implicit comparison of people who buy a particular brand of computer to a collection of the last century’s greatest statesmen, artists, and scientific types. I gotta admit, though, that I find the ad moving. We Mac owners don’t deserve the comparison; Steve Jobs, in some ways at least, does. And this ad sure made clear that his return to Apple would not be business as usual. (Side note: The voiceover is by Richard Dreyfuss.)

Macintosh (c. 1995): It’s been an Apple tradition of surprisingly long standing to run both ads bashing Windows and one bragging that you can run it on a Mac. Here’s one from the Windows 95 era; it’s not specific about what means of putting Windows on a Mac it’s talking about, and I’ve forgotten what it was. (It’s not unreasonable to say that Boot Camp, Parallels, and VMware Fusion are the first means of running a Microsoft operating system on an Apple computer which are actually worth bothering with.)

Macintosh (c. mid 1990s): I’m not sure exactly when this Mac ad dates from, but it apparently comes from a forgotten age in which the Internet didn’t revolve around the Web (I do see Netscape Navigator briefly, tucked behind another window) but schools effortlessly streamed full-motion video over the Net.

Performa (c. mid 1990s): I include this commercial–dating from an era in which some Apple ads were still dedicated to simply explaining what a home computer could do–mostly because it includes a glimpse of eWorld, the short-lived Apple online service which is so obscure that nobody even bothers to make fun of it.

Power Macintosh (c. 1994): This ad was produced at a time when a bald guy in a suit was still visual shorthand for “important businessperson,” the After Dark screensaver was ubiquitous, and a Mr. Potato Head signaled wacky rebellion from corporate tradition. It was also a period in which Macs were so bedraggled that the only claim it appears to make about them is that they can read DOS floppies–which is just plain sad.

Newton (c. 1993): The comparison between the Newton and the iPhone has been made so many times that it’s incredibly trite–but it’s impossible to watch this Newton ad without thinking about it.

PowerBook Duo (1992): Many Apple innovations have had lasting impact on the computer industry. The idea of sliding a laptop into a desktop case like a giant VCR tape, however, did not.

PowerBook (c. early 1990s): The first Mac notebook ad involving a basketball player on an airplane–the great Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

PowerBook (c. early 1990s): I include this ad in part because “What’s on Your PowerBook” ranks among the better-known Apple campaigns–but also because the buttoned-down, bespectacled guy bragging about the mundane business applications he runs on his Mac (“org charts!”) is practically a proto-John Hodgman, except he’s arguing that Macs can be just as boring as PCs. Note also that the Internet only comes up in passing when he mentions e-mail, pegging this as an early-1990s commercial rather than a mid-1990s one.

Macintosh (c. 1990): After “1984,” Mac ads got incredibly tedious for years–in the Sculley era, they were full of guys in pinstriped shirts standing in anonymous offices discussing ROI. It’s as if Apple’s primary goal was to convince the world that Macs were just as lacking in personality as PCs. This is an ad of that sort, but it’s not bad, and it makes me nostalgic for the days of “portrait” displays.

Mac Portable (c. 1989): The Mac Portable was ungainly, illegible, and unaffordable ($6500), but Apple managed to make it look pretty appealing in this commercial. Note that in the late 1980s, it was still logical to address an ad for a pricey computer at people who weren’t very comfortable with computers. Also, setting the ad in an airplane terminal associated it with flying without showing someone trying to use this behemoth aboard a plane.

Apple IIgs (c. 1986): Here’s minimalism for you–this ad for the last iteration of the Apple II line makes no claims for the machine other than that it can be used to do homework.

Macintosh (1980s): This ad from Australia sports elaborate special effects, at least for a 1980s Apple commercial. In Australia, as in the U.S., wearing half-glasses is a sign of fabulous business success.

Macintosh (c. 1984): Twenty-four years ago, bitmapped fonts were kind of dazzling–even in blocky black-and-white–and Apple saved the exotic input device known as the mouse for the grand finale.

Macintosh (1984): Sorry to be sacrilegious–this ad, directed by Ridley Scott, has been called the best TV commercial of all time, but I’m not even sure if it’s ony of my ten favorite Apple spots. (I dunno–maybe it’s the utter lack of humor.) 1984 may not have turned out to be like 1984, but those IBM-using lemmings only grew in number in subsequent years, while the Mac struggled.

Apple IIc (c. 1984): In 1984, laptops as we later came to know them didn’t exist yet, and you could market a fairly svelte desktop (although I don’t think that term existed yet) as a sort of portable computer. I’m not sure how Apple got away with the image of a CRT monitor disappearing into the carrying case, though.

Apple II (c. 1981): As far as recall, Dick Cavett was the first celeb to do Apple ads, years before Jeff Goldblum, Eminem, and Mahatma Gandhi. Unlike those guys, he donned a jacket and tie for the occasion. For all the radical differences in Apple ads circa 1981 and circa 2008, they’re consistent in some ways: The voiceover performer in current iPhone ads has an urbane vibe that’s not unlike Cavett’s, as do multiple other narrators of Apple ads over the years.

Apple II (c. 1978): This ad, the earliest Apple-related one I can find, is from some local (Los Angeles-based?) an Oklahoma City computer dealer, not Apple itself–and even in 1978, its cheapo aesthetics probably gave Steve Jobs the heebie-jeebies. I think it’s kinda adorable, though, and I’m glad that somebody bothered to upload it to YouTube. The family that Pongs together belongs together!

Okay, which Apple ads did I ignore that I should have included? Are my takes on any of the ones I did include off-base? Lemme know what you think…and if it turns out that enough people are as obssessed with old computer ads as I am, I may round up more of ‘em.