Okay, so the chances of Apple buying Twitter seem nearly as remote as the odds that Twitter will buy Apple. It’s still fun to think about what might transpire if it did:

1. Macs would show the Failwhale when they felt a Kernel Panic coming on, and Twitter would display the Sad Mac when it was over capacity.

2. Already-bizarre terms like Tweet, Tweep, and Twoosh would become iTweet, iTweep, and iTwoosh.

3. Apple would air ads with a hip guy pretending to be Twitter and a nebbish claiming to be Facebook. Facebook would respond with snarky claims about the Failwhale swimming in a sea of unicorn tears.

4. FriendFeed users would continue to contend that FriendFeed was superior to Twitter–but they’d resemble Linux advocates even more than they already do.

5. The Internet would soon be overrun with blurry screen shots of alleged new Twitter features.

6. The new iPod Nano would let you tweet by using the scroll wheel to enter alphanumeric information. There would be no known instances of a Nano owner’s tweets being as long as 140 characters.

7. People would get really excited when @stevejobs responded with a quick direct message to their questions.

8. Actually, Steve Jobs would pause occasionally to tweet during keynotes. Possibly at the intervals where he currently chugs bottled water.

9. A $169 Twitter AppleCare protection plan would entitle you to get in your car and drive to an Apple Store to get expedited service from the Genius Bar whenever Twitter flaked out on you.

10. People would spend untold hours wondering if Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr would ever sign up for Twitter.

Any possibilities I’m missing here?

 
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